I often find myself thinking "If only they were bigger, then we could do *this* or go *there* or play *that*" then a few minutes later, one of them will do something "big" or I'll go through their clothes and pull out things that are tiny and think "They are growing up way too quickly." It's ridiculous and silly. I want them to be bigger so we can go on more adventures and I can stop changing diapers, but I want them to stay little and snuggly and sweet. I know this is a common predicament: The Parenting Time Paradox.
I love that Connor is becoming so independent and self-sufficient. I can't wait until Kylar starts walking and really talking. I'm counting the days until we can be a diaper free household again. I want to take the boys on road trips, camping, fishing, canoeing, to Disney, on college tours, to baseball games where they actually understand and care about what's happening. I want to watch them play sports and meet their girlfriends and/or boyfriends.
On the flip side, I already miss cuddling them until they fall asleep, milk drunk faces, middle of the night snuggles, and toothless baby smiles.
I know we're done having babies, so I'll never get to see another toothless grin from a human I created, but I've got plenty of babies in my extended family and I certainly don't wish to ever be pregnant again. Two full term pregnancies and healthy babies is plenty for me.
I have two options now:
Sure, I'll still get sad about missing the newborn smells and teeny tiny baby love, but I really don't miss waking every 2-3 hours to feed him. I know I'm not going to miss getting bite by tiny teeth while trying to feed him. I can't wait until I wash our last load of cloth diapers. That will be a glorious day.
It will be fun to teach them to ride bikes, tie their shoes, write, read, drive! There are so many more adventures to come. I can't wait!
Until then, we're gonna cuddle on the couch every night and watch an episode of whatever show is holding their attention at the moment before brushing teeth, attempting to use the potty, reading a book and crawling into bed.
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Writer and Contributor for the Motherhood Community