For the past 11 years, October and I have had a terrible relationship. I give and give and it just takes. Everything.
2004: took Mema (grandma on my mom's side)
2005: took my first long term relationship, beginning my spiral into drugs and alcohol and all that that entails and ending my first attempt at college.
2006: deployed my second long term relationship to Afghanistan. That relationship wouldn't last another 2 months.
2008: crazy, drunk guy with a knife episode in our home.
For a few years there, nothing dramatically bad happened. I was starting to believe the curse of October was over. The best day of our lives (to date) happened in October.
10.10.2013: positive pregnancy test.
I wished I'd known then that October was just getting his kicks and getting me back, 10 fold, for being so "nice" for those middle years.
10.20.2013: the worst day of our lives, to date. Miscarriage.
October is a bastard.
Then, just to rub it in or for emphasis, last year, on the anniversary of the miscarriage, we got news that one of my dad's brothers had died the night before.
This year, it feels like I'm just waiting on pins and needles for the next bad thing to hit. What's it going to be? Am I going to lose another person I love? Am I going to get hurt? Physically or emotionally? I've been in a crappy mood most days, so far, this month. I'm just waiting for the next big bad to come kick my ass.
The worst part is that I still love October. The changing leaves, cooling weather, pumpkin flavored everything, rich oranges and browns all over, Halloween. I feel like one of those girls; I keep coming back to this dead end, abusive relationship because he's so gorgeous and I keep thinking "maybe this time..."
October, you're a bastard. There is no other word for it.
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Writer and Contributor for the Motherhood Community