My baby is one. That means a full 365 days ago, he was living outside of my body. It seems so weird, but at the same time, how could it be any different? I think sometimes about what our life was like before baby. It was fun. We went out with our friends, drinking, parties, concerts, pool halls, movies at all hours. On the rare occasion, I miss that, but I wouldn't trade our life now for anything in the world. I'm not 22 anymore. I'm not carefree and available at all hours of the day or night anymore. I can't just decide "let's go out" because going out takes at least 30 minutes of prep and by the time we're "ready" I'm not interested in leaving anymore.
I was never much of a "party girl" until I met my husband. I've never been all that comfortable in large crowds. He thrived on it. The energy of the group, the loud music and crazy dancing girls. Alcohol induced shenanigans. (No, we weren't alcoholics, Mom. Just kids in our early 20s having fun).
I guess I should change that. 22 is not the right age. At 22, I was finishing my Associates and planning our wedding. We'd already slowed down by then. From 19-21, that was when I "partied" with my hubby. I came in at the tail end of their partying stage. Which is just as well, because it wasn't really my "scene". I'm more of the "let's all sit around, have a few drinks while Adam cooks, and bullshit all night." Drunk, slutty, dancing girls never appealed to me.
Anyway...now that I've gotten way off point...I've spent a good chunk of my day missing shit. My old job with all my students. My teeny tiny baby. My freedom to just get up and go to the store and run all my errands in under 30 minutes.
I don't want to go back. Don't misunderstand that. I love everything we have now. I love being Connor's mom. I love that he comes to me when he's tired or upset. I love that he randomly kisses me. I love being a wife. This has literally always been my dream job. Stay-at-home-mom. Granted, I'm also a small business owner, and in a week or 2 I'll be a sub in a couple local school districts. Being mommy and wife has always been the only job I ever wanted.
I seriously love my life. I wouldn't change a thing, Just remembering stuff today.
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Writer and Contributor for the Motherhood Community