We've all seen the movies, Romantic Comedies (RomComs, if you will) following a slightly dysfunctional couple through their ups and downs. Miscommunications, perceived slights, hiding true feelings, overreacting, underreacting. Then one day, they seem to magically click and get their shit together, they get married and the screen fades to credits while they share a passionate kiss at the altar, or riding away in their limo (or on horseback if they're really good) after having the perfect wedding. It seems like life if going to be all puppies and rainbows until they die, right? Bahaha!! Talk about unrealistic expectations.
Our wedding day. I was 22. He was 24. I cannot tell you how many conversations were had at me (because I wasn't listening or participating) about the "fact that [we] were too young." According to some, there is some magic age that you reach that makes you ready for marriage. I respectfully and wholeheartedly disagree. but that's a different post.
We had a quick ceremony and an all-night-long party, with only a short intermission in which we went to the hotel and passed out (not joking) then continued the party at my new husband's aunt's house. It was one of the best days of my life (tied only with the births of our boys).
Here’s the thing, and the whole point of this post: We aren’t happy all the time. Hell, we don’t even like each other all of the time, and that’s completely normal. I always love him, and he always loves me, but sometimes we drive each other up walls. He has trouble communicating his feelings. I have trouble letting go of the past. He likes to think about what’s happening now and not put much thought into the long term future. I like to plan shit out for years in advance, knowing that those plans are fluid and subject to a lot of change. I talk all the time. He prefers to sit back and watch. He likes to do “risky” things (like rock climbing). I enjoy being laid back and lazy. He likes Coke. I like Dr. Pepper.
The important thing is that we know these things about each other and we function well as a result. That does not mean that we don’t have our disagreements, it simply means that we know how to handle them when they arise.
The first season of The Mindy Project, while exaggerating, makes a good point in showing all the ways RomComs fail to represent real life. Honestly, just watching the very first episode will spell it all out for you. Expecting your life to end up like a Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts movie of the 90s, then you will be thoroughly disappointed.
However, if you are prepared to live with another human being for the rest of your life, knowing all their flaws and faults and loving them anyway, you’re golden. Marriage isn’t the be-all-end-all. Divorce rates are going down, but they are still decently high because people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations; thinking that marriage will miraculously cure their partner of whatever bad habits they have.
Marriage is hard work. It’s not super easy, smooth sailing. It takes time and energy and RomComs just don’t do it justice. Decided to spend the rest of your life with someone is a big deal; it should not be taken lightly. That being said, if you marry the right person, even the hard days aren’t so bad because you know that they are always going to be there. It’s a very solid, comforting feeling to know that you have a partner for life. Don’t take it for granted, and don’t expect it to be easy. Life isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely worth it, with the right person by your side.
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