Ever since Connor fell and nearly bit through his lower lip, I always just assumed I'd be pretty cool in a crisis, since I handled that one pretty smoothly. I felt confident in my ability to take care of what needed doing, keeping everyone else calm and stable, and getting everything done quickly and safely. Turns out, I was *mostly* right.
I was recently criticized for having a sign in my house with "adult language" out where my kids, and anyone else's could see it and read it. I was told I needed to take it down, if for no other reason than to censor it for someone else's kids, since I clearly don't have the decency to censor it for my own kids. I'm paraphrasing, so you'll have to humor me. That was the gist of the conversation.
As moms, we always think we have to be all things for everyone all the time. That's absolutely crazy. No one can be everything for everyone 24/7. It's insane to try and it will almost certainly make you lose your shit.
I often find myself thinking "If only they were bigger, then we could do *this* or go *there* or play *that*" then a few minutes later, one of them will do something "big" or I'll go through their clothes and pull out things that are tiny and think "They are growing up way too quickly." It's ridiculous and silly. I want them to be bigger so we can go on more adventures and I can stop changing diapers, but I want them to stay little and snuggly and sweet. I know this is a common predicament: The Parenting Time Paradox.
I've talked before about how hard parenting is, and how there's no cheat sheet or guide to raising good people.
I stand by that; there is no cheat sheet, and you know your kids better than anyone. That being said, you can learn from other peoples' experiences and try out what worked for them to see if it will work for you.
In that spirit, I've made a very short list of the things that we've done that have helped turn Connor, and will hopefully help Kylar become, helpful, sweet, well-behaved kids who can follow direction, but who have the confidence to try new things and solve their own problems.
I have always hated the phrase "boys will be boys." It's used as an excuse to justify bad behavior and/or being a jerk-face dick. I'm sorry, but since when does a penis give you a blank check to be aggressive, messy, mean or misbehave? I don't accept that.
I've been a little absent for a while now, and for those of you who don't keep up with us on Facebook or Instagram, we have officially completed our little nerdy family.
Over the last month or so, I have been told by several people that I've inspired them to be healthier, drink more water, workout, eat healthier, etc. The last one makes me laugh, to be honest, because we aren't healthy eaters. Since becoming a SAHM, I cook more, which could be perceived as "eating healthy" but it's actually just because I'm cheap and saving money anyway I can. But, hey! If that motivates you, go for it!
I was initially slightly offended by the push for breastfeeding because I, like many moms, struggled to bf my baby and felt incredibly guilty about it. You can ask my hubby, there were several occasions where I was in tears because Connor was sick and I felt like if I had been able to keep bfing, he wouldn't have gotten the cold I brought home from work. Moms are held to extremely high standards these days, and everyone has an opinion about everything and for some reason they think they have the right to tell you everything you're doing "wrong" for your baby. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to tell those people to fuck off. These are my babies and the only people who have a say in how they are raised are the two people directly involved in their creation. Everyone else can suck it.
Now, back on topic. WBW seems to be a very supportive movement to help encourage bfing and bring a focus on lactation consults, tips, advice, and other things to try and help make the whole experience easier and more successful for those that choose it. I think that's great.
Bfing seems like it should be easy. That's what boobs were created for, right? It should come natural and easy for everyone. HA!! Not even kinda true. Yes, for some it's easy. They have an endless supply, their baby latches like a pro, and they never have any bumps in their breastfeeding road. That is not actually the norm. There are at least 100 things that can go wrong and make it hard for a momma to feed her baby from her bosoms. That's ok! Maybe you baby doesn't latch. Maybe your supply doesn't ever come in, or isn't enough to satisfy your babe. Maybe you see your boobs as a fun thing for your partner and the idea of using them to feed someone freaks you out. Maybe you have some other reason and can't or choose not to bf. That's OK!!
Formula was created to fill a need. It's very effective and will help you to raise happy, healthy babies, without a doubt. For decades, doctors pushed formula over breastfeeding, because they believed the science said formula created healthier babies. Now, they say the opposite. Yes, boobs do amazing things, reading the baby's saliva and altering the milk to fight off any antibodies the baby has encountered. That's fantastic. However, not breastfeeding is still a safe, healthy and very valid option. The truth is, without formula, thousands (if not millions) of babies would die every year.
Raise awareness about all the help that's available for the struggling bfing momma, but don't discount those who use formula or diminish their choices because you saw a billboard once that said (in big BOLD letters) that breast is best. Fed is best. How you feed them shouldn't matter as long as they are healthy.
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Writer and Contributor for the Motherhood Community