Ok, I want to take some time to talk about these so-called "Mommy Wars". For those of you who don't know, Mommy Wars refers to when moms hate on other moms for parenting "wrong", aka: differently than they do.
Raise your hand if you like having someone else's nose in your business. If you like someone telling you all the things you're doing wrong and how detrimental those things are to your loved ones/children. No? No one? If you put your hand up, put it down. We both know you're lying to yourself.
So here's my thought on the whole thing: You do you/yours and I'll do me/mine and hopefully our kids won't turn out to be criminals. You wanna breastfeed your kid into elementary school? More power to you. You wanna exclusively formula feed? That's cool, here, I have some coupons. Vegan? Ok. Gender neutral? Sure, why not. Daycare? Go for it! Quit your job to stay home? I'm glad you can afford that.
Why does it matter if I do things differently than you if both of our kids are happy and healthy? Your doc wants you to take your kid to the dentist at 1. Ok. Mine said 3, and I'm gonna defer to her knowledge. So what if my kid is rear facing until he's 8? That's a decision we would come to based on research, the advice of our doctor, and NOT you.
I make a point not to offer parenting advice unless asked. I have a 15 month old (that would be 1.25 years for those who don't like math), and I cannot tell you how many times people have offered "advice" when I never asked and really didn't want or need it.
I am a very laid back mom. My kid gets into stuff, and I just sit back and watch; see what he does and how he handles it. If he falls, I don't run to him. Again, I sit back and see what happens. If he's genuinely upset, I'll go to him, or he'll come to me. I want him to be ok with falling and not need to be intensely comforted every time. I want him to be independent. Maybe you think that's extreme, considering his age. I know my mom does. Here's the thing though: he's not your kid. He's my kid. Mine and my husband's and our opinions are literally the only ones that matter. If that bothers you, get the f*ck over it.
Mommy wars are the dumbest thing I've heard of. Stop parenting other parents just because they are doing it differently that you would. Especially if you've never been in their situation. You've only had girls and you're "advising" a mom with 3 boys. Or vice versa. Or a parent with a special needs child when you have 1 perfect "normal" kid. Stop. Just stop.
Do you ever just get so frustrated with your life that you want to disappear for a couple hours? As moms, we are held to a higher standard. It's ridiculous and sexist and stupid, but we are and we judge other moms based on that same standard.
I was talking with a good friend the other day about this absurd scale that we judge moms on, and the moms vs dads scale. People don't expect dads to be parents anymore. In our society, it's impressive when a dad sticks around and helps with his children. I'm sorry, but that is beyond fucked up. Moms are expected to be Superwoman every day, but dads get commended just for showing up? I call bullshit. My friend pointed out the flipside of that: yes, people don't expect much from dads, but dads also aren't as revered as moms. As soon as he said it I thought "oh..yeah, I guess that's true."
In my experience, with all the dads I know, dading is just as hard as moming and they work very hard to be the best they can be.
Unless they're sick. Sick men are more trouble than sick babies. I know, I've had both. Usually at the same time, because my husband's immune system sucks.
Here's the thing (and the main purpose of this post), when my husband is sick, all he wants to do is sleep or rest. I'd love to do that too, but I can't. Someone has to parent. This is where I start to see why moms are more revered. You can't take a sick day as a mom, but somehow (and my husband isn't the only one, so please don't think this whole post is about bashing him) dads still manage to take sick days. Not all of them, I know, and making such a general statement will probably piss off a lot of people, but oh well. You can stop reading now if you want.
If I'm hungover, I still have to be Mom. If I didn't get enough sleep the night before, I still have to be Mom. If I'm sick (fever, migraine, nauseous) I still have to be MOM. If he's hungover, he sleeps until he feels better. If he didn't get enough sleep the night before, he sleeps until 1 in the afternoon. If he's sick, he sleeps until he feels better.
Sometimes, I want to be the dad. I know he works incredibly hard at his job (10-14 hour days, sometimes not getting home until after midnight), and I understand that he's tired. I'm tired too. I don't do manual labor all day, but my job isn't easy and I feel like that goes without notice. Yes I am a SAHM. Yes, I spend my days at home. I spend my days chasing a toddler, teaching him what is and isn't ok, cleaning up after him, the dogs, and (more often than not) my husband. Cooking, doing the laundry, maintaining the house, stepping up with our families when something needs doing. I do literally everything other than make the money to pay the bills.
Men, acknowledge and openly appreciate your SAHMs. You may think we just lay around all day, playing on Facebook, Pinterest, or shopping online, but your kids wouldn't be alive without us.
Women, acknowledge and openly appreciate your man; especially if you're a SAHM, because that wouldn't be possible without him.
I know it's November, and it's finally getting cool outside (Texas weather ftw...) but all this Christmas stuff is stressing me out. I refuse to acknowledge Christmas or Christmas decor until after Thanksgiving. It drives me crazy that craft stores have had Christmas decorations out since September. Wtf?! What about all the other holidays? Halloween was my favorite for years! I've since progressed into loving Thanksgiving the most, but either way, Christmas is taking over too many months.
TV channels are advertising their "countdown to Christmas" line up. It's the countdown to the countdown to Christmas. Craziness.
Oh! And since when did Christmas become all about what you got or gave? I would love to get through a holiday season without giving any gifts. AT ALL. I know, scary concept, right? I challenge you and your family to abstain from the gift giving portion of the holiday season.
I bet you're looking at the screen and thinking "this chick is crazy. I already bought the perfect gift for so-and-so. They're gonna love it! I'm not skipping presents." Yeah, I bet they'll love it for their birthday too. Or, and here's a crazy idea, how about we don't need a reason to give people presents. If you like them, and you found something you know they'll love, why not just give it to them next time you see them?
I'm ranting, I know, but you have to admit I make good points. Black Friday? No. I have never participated and I'm not starting now. People are actually, literally dying for these deals. That is insane. Dying! To go shopping and get a present for themselves or someone else at a discounted rate? Fuck. That. Sorry for the language, Mom, but it needed to be said.
Ok, I've said my piece. What do you think?
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Writer and Contributor for the Motherhood Community